This Page is dedicated to Michdarling &..............
CHAPTER ONE- THE ORIGINAL MATT AND CHRIS STORY
Once upon a time there were these two little monkey butts. They lived in the wonderful, beautiful town of Snidersville. They drove their old vehicles all over the town, terrorizing the old people who wanted to walk the streets. They were hated and feared by all the small children and little animals in town.
One day, Matt and Chris went into the field to torture the defenseless washing machine who's life had been horrible and traumatic since the day his family abandoned him. Matt and Chris would routinely beat on the poor soul with sledgehammers and crowbars. The poor washing machine would cry "please stop". But they were much to evil to be stopped. They would continue beating on him, sometimes late into the night.
then they found these old, homeless, wounded cars. They began their evil tidings once again. The victims of their evil ways were groaning and screaming in pain. they smashed their eyes, and stomped on their arms and legs. They ripped their internal organs apart.
As they were frenzied with evil deeds, there was a light upon the hilltop. They were so mesmorized by the feeling of power they had over their helpless victims that they did not see the officer riding in on his steel horse. He snuck up on them as they were hooting and laughing. He held out his badge and yelled "stop". They turned around shocked.
Chris had the sledgehammer in one hand and a piece of glass in the other. The officer thought Chris was threatening him so he beat him repeatedly about the head and shoulders. Chris was laying bloody and mangled. Matt thought it was a good time to get the hell out of there. He began running across the field. He ran too close to the washing machine. It threw out its' lid and tripped him. He landed on a nail doing the splits. Unfortunitely for him, he lived. He went to jail and finally got to admit he was gay.
CHAPTER 2-THE HORROR CONTINUES....
The town of snidersville thought it was safe, but it was wrong. Matt and Chris had the ability to never be affected by all of their misdeeds. They were immune to punishment, imprisonment, and death. Their evil souls were filled with vengence for all of the pain they felt. They were going to make the whole town pay.
Matt had a unique problem. He had to appear to be an angel for he lived with granny. She had raised Matt. There were only two forces that could stop him in his tracks. He feared granny. There was only one other person that could bring both of the boys to their knees. She was an evil, vicious woman. She was from the same clan as granny, and much like matt she had the evil red haired gene. She was named Kerry.
Matt and Chris would often try to fight her but she would rip their hair out. Matts hair, It begged to be pulled. It cried out to everyone around it, saying "please rip me out!! put me out of my agony!!" most people didnt go near the hair of Matt. because they they were warded off by the beedy eyes. Chris was big and strong but he was no match for the beast girl. Everyone in town and everywhere loved her and payed her lots of money to beat the little bastards... everyone except granny. She thought the boys were gods little gifts to the earth.
Matt and Chris were outside one day scheming to steal all of the neighbors dogs. Matt's dog had met a tragic end. They were eyeinga little dog named Boner. They followed the owner down to the beach and attacked when she was out of sight of the houses. They took her purse and her lil' dog too. She started screaming. Chris was beginning to get psychotic. He was yelling "you want a piece of me? I will smack this tree!!" He was pointing to a huge tree. He thought it sounded scary.. Didn't it?
They took off running. They were so happy. They had the dog and money. They couldn't see the tears in boner's eyes as he was missin his owner. They didn't understand the womans need for her little companion, boner. And her need for her credit card as well. They jumped in Matt's pastel yellow wus machine and drove off.
That afternoon, the woman went on tv pleading for the return of her boner. The police had a sketch of the attackers. They were showing it on TV. Everyone in Snidersville had their shot gun out and loaded, ready to blow their heads off. They snuck the dog into the basement of the griffith compound. They had to stop granny from seeing or hearing the dog.
Kerry saw the pictures on the TV and recognized the hideous pictures immediately. She jumped into the purple roaring monster and drove to snidersville. She was going to return the dog for the reward and have the pleasure of smacking, punching and kicking them. Lets not forget the pulling of matts hair.
She found them in the basement freasting on pepperoni and anchovy pizza like a pair of buzzards. She yelled "give me the dog!" They tried to play dumb.. or maybe they really are.. No we wont let them off so easy. She said "give me the dog or I will tell granny. Matt cried "NOOO!!" and his face turned ghostly white. He began to tremble. Chris was also scared because his mother had the blood of granny, and he knew it wouldnt be good for him either. "NO, please, for the love of god, NOOOO!!" Matt yelled. He had wet his undies in fear.
They turned over the dog to the owner. Kerry got the wenches out of trouble by saying they were abused as kids. She got the rewards and returned to compound. Matt was sittin in a corner balled up and sad. He had lost his little boner. So she bought him a tiny mexican dog that was very mean. It big him and peed on him, but he loved it so much.
This sounds like a happy ending but i forgot to mention the beating the boys recieved. Kerry grabbed them by their necks and smacked their heads together. They knew that they had it coming. She beat them with a willow switch and pulled Matt's hair bald. Chris got a kick in the stomach. But they both loved their beatings.
CHAPTER 3- I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTT
Matt was trying to prove to everyone after his jail time that he was not gay... He knew that no one would believe him. he tried to talk to girls, and even tried to date a few. he was so caought up in all of this he had forgotten his best buddy Vhris.
Mike knew Matt was really gay too, ,but he liked him just the same. Matt was a good friend. He and Mike would often get lots of alcohol and women. Matt always used the same tired.. worn out pick up line. He would walk up to a chick swinging his hips around and say "hey, honey, i want to give your dog.. a bone.. baby!" they would walk away like "are you stupid?"
Mike and Matt, they thought they were studs. They rode around in a hot rod, and drank their booze happily. Matt would often get drunk and hang his ass out the window. he really liked to moon old ladies. He liked the look of pure terror they had on their faces. Many a good night were spent, butt hanging out the window. Mike didn't care that matt was exposing himself to the world.. as long as he didnt have to see it.
One day, they were driving down the road. They were up to their usual tricks. They found a trail off the beaten path. Matt and Mike drove down a two track. They found a private beach. There were a whole lot of old women swimming there. Mike dared Matt to streak them all Matt didn't want to do it, but feared being called a chicken.
Matt set out running naked across the beach holding his goods in one hand. He had made it about half way across the beach. The old ladies were screaming and hollering. They began throwing money at Matt. Mike got jealous and joined in. They were were making some great money. There were dancing all around keeping their love machines covered with one hand. All of a sudden, the old woman started grabbing at the boys crotches.
The boys were so freaked out they began to run. They scrambled off into the woods. They had the money in the hand they had free. They were running as fast as they could They were trying to get as far away from the old women as possible. They ran and ran until they found a clearing. They were trying to figure out where they were. They could see houses but couldn't go there. They were trapped like a pair of naked rats. They wondered if it would be safe to go back, but they heard the old ladies calling them in the distance.
They headed back towards their car. As they approached the beach, they tried to make as little noise as possible. They jumped into their car. the old ladies were chasing them as they were driving away. THey tried to figure out what to do. They were thinking that if they went to chris's they could honk the horn until he came out and he could bring them clothes. But he wasnt home.
They thought maybe they could sneak into matt's house without granny seeing them. She slept alot. As they were driving by Matt's house they saw granny getting out of her car. She waved at them and they waved back. Matt said "Oh my god, Punch it." They were driving away as fast as they could. They saw chris's truck and followed it, honking and flashing their lights.. calling his name.
Chris stopped the truck and walked to Mikes car and said "Hey what are you guys up to?" He looked at them, turned his head quickly and said "Oh my god, I dont even want to hear about it. You two are a couple. My eyes.. Oh my.." Chris said "where are your clothes? NO NO.. I don't even want to know." They told him they would explain later. Matt and Mike got to Chris's house where they were given some shorts and swore to never speak of it again. Matt and Mike where at Chris's house a couple days later and Chris's sister came up to them laughing and said "You two were on tv, and some old lady won $10,000" they sat their with their mouths hanging open. then they went down to watch the show ending. Sure enough they played the tape of Matt and Mike dancing in the nude. Chris said "so this is hwy you were naked in the car? Where did you clothes go? You both know you are dead right?"
The phone began to ring. First Granny called. She had been sitting in her lounger watching christian tv and her sister Edna called to say change the channel. She saw Matt nude and wiggling his butt, and was not happy at all. Next, Mikes mom called. Chris was laughing and laughing. Then his mom started to scream. She had spoken to granny and figured he was somehoe involved. As Matt and Mike were heading home, they could hear the repeated smacks and Chris Screaming "I wasn't there.. I wasn't there!!" They knew what was waiting for them at home.